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News What causes the freshman 15

If you’re a college student, then you already know what the “freshman fifteen” is. If you’re uneducated, then freshman fifteen is the nickname depicting the 10-15 pounds of extra flab that college students acquire during their first semester.

Students tend to blame alcohol consumption for their sudden weight gain. But, I know alcohol is not the cause because I’ve been drinking since sophomore year in high school – and I wasn’t fat then.

It wasn’t until I’ve begun eating in the Kutztown University cafeteria that I unwillingly added a few pounds. And I wasn’t even lazy – I was on the lacrosse team which meant practice 3-6, then I'd play basketball from 7-10. 10-11 was 2 Ramen Noodles and a shower. 11-3am was mass amounts of 12 ounce curls for binge drinking. So you could say that I worked out.

I had a 6 pack. On my stomach. All muscle.

In correction to what the typical college idiot thinks, the mythical freshman fifteen is the direct reaction to one’s body consuming mass amounts of cafeteria food, idiotic snacks in the dorms, 2-3 slices of pizza after boozing all night, and overall exertion of laziness.College kids in general are lazy slobs. The majority of them do nothing. And no, being a gay art major who spends 9 hours a night shading a perfect circle doesn’t give you a reason to be lazy. My old roommate was an art major (I think) and he sat on his dorm mattress eating blocks of cheese after painting his nails and listening to Gwen Stefani.

I once skipped class for three days to play a new Xbox game and he sat five feet away from me staring at the television while strumming his guitar between cheese bites. I started losing track of the game and suddenly became amazed as my room mate became fatter before my eyes. I seriously saw a man grow 3 pounds in a matter of hours. Every hour that went by he would solemnly sludge further off the side of the bed. Whenever he opened his mouth to insert the block of cheese, everything would seem as though it was in slow motion and I could hear this odd “wahhhhhhhhhhhhhh” sound in the back of my head. That was the fat patrol telling me to NEVER sit for three days and eat blocks of cheese. He has the freshman 95.

College cafeterias and after party food are the main contributor to obesity. The colleges offer unlimited fat-filled products like ice cream and hot dogs. To make matters worse, people will consume two hot dogs, cheese fries, then end with a dessert. I’ve even witnessed hefty people place donuts on top of sundaes (donut sundaes) – and that’s disgusting. And of course, you know how it is, the fatso requests a diet soda because “they’re on a diet.” What are they thinking? Probably something like “I only live once, and life is too short to diet.” Well your life might last longer if you lived healthier. Eating horribly at college cafeterias is like the cancerous version of eating and just as stupid as smoking. Fat people and smokers prove themselves idiotic every time they eat and light up.

If you’ve gained a few extra pounds at college, or at all, and want to get the skinny on a better diet – here’ a few ways you can get back in shape and possibly avoid or reduce your gluttony:

Eat right. If you’re already fat, then don’t overload the snacks and deserts, hot dogs and burgers, fries, pizza with extra cheese, and other similar foods. Snack on fruits and veggies. Eat healthy and drink water – no soft drinks or drinks loaded with sugars. You don't need the diabeetus.

Exercise. If you have nothing to do, then get moving. Go to the gym, play a sport, do sit-ups before every shower – anything that requires more energy than playing video games or wasting time on SnapChat.

Drink light beer. It’s inevitable that college students drink, so you might as well drink light. Don’t drink lager, you’ll only pour the pounds right to your gut and thighs. There’s even low calorie beers perfect for pretending to drink and not fat – like Becks light which is 64 calories per beer, and Rolling Rock Green Light which is 83 calories per beer - and both suck.

Absolutely DO NOT EAT TONS OF FOOD AFTER DRINKING ALL NIGHT. You already ate dinner. Just drink water or Gatorade and call it a night.

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