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News My old Tsunami theory

Many reasons exist about what causes a tsunami, but all scientific proof is thrown out today. I have my own answers to what caused almost as much smelly death as Hitler and Stalin. They’re all logical and well thought out. You might not believe any of them, but fear not, they’re quite possible.

Possibility #1: Mongolian missile testing; underwater!
Some may wonder why the magnificent Asian Tsunami wasn’t predicted and I have your answer. It wasn’t a true tsunami; it was underwater nuclear missile testing with launches by top secret Oscar submarines. That’s right folks; I heard Mongolia was thinking about expanding and taking over all the Shaolin monks throughout all of Asia. They’re next target would be northernly Russia. In Russia the Mongolians would replace Vodka with the juice of 10,000 lamas’ testicles and white vinegar. I suppose the vinegar is what causes the sour face. Regardless, my further information states that the operator of the submarine that launches the nuclear missiles accidentally fired two simultaneously, causing such big f-cking waves. Mutated fish and a huge Asian death toll ensue, by accident. Lastly, another Mongolian in an AOL Mongolian chat room stated, “Hey, who do you think we are? Americans? We don’t know how the f-ck to drive a submarine and shoot off bombs, we don’t have driving school to practice in!”

Possibility #2: Australia wanted bigger waves.
Another reason the Tsunami wasn’t predicted nor acknowledged is because it wasn’t a tsunami at all. It was a group of 4,000 Australian surfers who decided to, over the last three years, swim to the Indian Ocean and construct the world’s largest wave pool. Ironically, the Australian divers had been drinking Foster’s the entire time they worked underwater construction, and built the wave machine backwards. Then some ballsy, gnarly, drunken surfer dude thought he would surf all the way back to Australia, and he lost his dive suit for his surf board, turned on the wave maker, floated to the surface, and ended up in Asian, on top of 150,000 dead. Not good to operate machinery or surf while under the influence.

Possibility #3: Blame the gay people!
Well, we all need someone to blame, so how about the homosexuals? When God created Adam and Eve, he didn’t make Eve a transsexual. Thus leaving us to believe that man and woman coexist, and man and man do not. This leads some religious enthusiasts to believe that the Lord struck down his mighty axe and demanded some respect. I’m just not sure how he’s going to make this up to Mother Earth. However, he is God, so I don’t think he has to. (2014 edit - now there's a congress lady saying gays actually cause tornadoes. I cannot believe someone this stupid gets elected. Of course, people who voted her in are even more stupid!)

Possibility #4: George Bush did it.
George secretly dislikes Asians and to take people’s minds off of the war in Iraq, he decided to wreck havoc elsewhere. What a f-cking p-ssy! Instead of defeating one country and smashing them to the ground – all men, women, and reproducing children, or just leaving the place to destroy itself, he takes out his Daddy’s anger in form of a man-made tsunami. What’s wrong George? Anyway, another reason Bush caused the tsunami so that he could show the world how he comes to the rescue when people are in need. From what I’ve heard, Bush’s donations haven’t been as high as others.
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