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News Missing Plane Party, Drug Moms, and Bossy girls - 3/16/2014

ron paul explain this.jpg

May 25, 2003 is when some dudes stole a Boeing 727 from an airport in Angola. Nearly 11 years later we have a missing Malaysian Airlines, Flight 370, Boeing 777 stolen from the sky. Talk about one upping your competitors. 10 more years from now and someone will end up stealing a satellite from space.

So how do you steal an airplane from the sky and what do you do with 239 passengers?

Here is exactly what happened to Malaysia flight 370:
  1. Everyone boards the plane, with the minority people being late as usual.
  2. 53 year old bearded pilot flies over a few imaginary turbulence, jiggling his plane steering wheel, making it bumpy enough to drop the oxygen masks.
  3. Passengers put on oxygen masks which release laughing gas.
  4. Take all electronic devices from passengers.
  5. Ease passengers by taking "hijacked" selfies and making a Harlem Shake video.
  6. Flight attendants play funny cat videos from YouTube.
  7. Pilot turns a 180 then a 360 then a 720, throwing off the radar and blippity bloopity things.
  8. Turn transponders off.
  9. Fly for four hours, as recorded by the engines built in On Star system, that somehow only records the length of time that the engines run, but magically cannot figure out WHERE THE MISSING PLANE IS SENDING A SIGNAL FROM!! Explain that!
  10. Introduce passengers to multitudes of mini Juan Castillo rum samples before the laughing gas runs out.
  11. Land your fresh off the clouds, free as can be, Boeing airplane on an obscure island with palm trees.
  12. Toss a flight attendant outside in a hula skirt so it looks legit.
  13. Tell everyone they've won a free trip to Cancun and there's a million dollars in a coconut on the island - first to find it gets to keep it.
  14. Leave the passengers there and fly away.
  15. If one of them makes it home, then LOST returns to TV.

So now you've stolen a plan from mid air, passengers are safe, you snagged 239 free cell phones (throw the Cricket and Boost mobile Obama phones in the trash), and you're still off the radar.

Totally cool! What's next?

Fly to Canada and kidnap Justin Bieber. Cane him like an Asians criminal while he's in the plane, then dump him over the Atlantic Ocean. The world has enough fat white trash Keven Federlines - we do not need another.

Now you're a hero.

You're like the opposite of Chris Brown to Rhianna. The Hulk to every Hogan. The Candy to every Crush. You will be on posters everywhere except for Justin Bieber's few remaining airhead fans who would sue their parents for high school tuition. (Do you believe that spoiled T word?)

Be happy that you stole a Boeing and eradicated Justin Bieber, because you certainly are not any of the following:

You are not a zombie SEPTA drug mom.
You are not a worn out Duke university adult film star.
You are not a stupid brainless woman trying to ban bossy.
You are not a moronic Obama between two ferns.
You are a hero.

Just remember one thing - where did you drop those passengers off at? After a few hours, they're going to catch on. They might need a ride home.
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