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News Marching Bands Are Literally The Worst Thing Ever

chris rock marching band.jpg
Every Saturday I’m woken up early by a loud, cluttered, offbeat noise propelled into public air by the local school band. The musical wombats practice/play behind the stadium, on the same tarnished grass that their unsuccessful football team practices on.

While the stick swinging ladies toss poles in the air, and the band members march around like robots remote controlled by someone who stands on a platform, bopping a stick or waving greasy mitts in the air – I thrash angrily in bed and attempt to ignore the band.

But I can’t. I can’t ignore them because they are too damn loud, and I’m sure I’m not the only sleeper who’s woken up by this and thinks, “Ahhhh, shut up already, it’s Saturday morning.”

Sometimes I can fall back asleep, but most of the time I can’t. Every time I unwillingly hear them I wish that a massive pumpkin firing cannon would magically appear next to me, locked and loaded.

I would fire flaming, rotting pumpkins at the band in hopes they’ll take their practice somewhere else – like inside a soundproof building. But it never happens, and pumpkins are pretty much out of season.

Last semester, my previous housemates received a noise violation because someone thought they were playing music from the radio too loud. The band plays/practices its music too loud.

I can understand if a football game is in progress, but nothing more. I wonder what will happen when someone calls the police on the band for violating a noise ordinance+? Hopefully, it’ll be the end of outdoor band days, and people can finally sleep peacefully.

This noisy situation is as bad as the neighborhood jerk who mows his lawn at the crack of dawn – don’t be that guy.
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Marching band and flag girls have to get their practice in somehow, somewhere. I can tell you that some time, especially early in the morning and you hear loud horns, drums, cheer, lawn mowing, it is really tick me off too. My street is used for their practice and marching once in a while.

Nick Anthony

That is so funny! I'm a little confused though. Do you mean you probably suck dick as in you think that the guy sucks or that guys who do the marching are literally gay lmao?

Anyhow, you could try to close your window before going to bed. Also, you could ask the people to practice somewhere else if it's not too much of a bother for them.
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