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News Emojis are modern day heiroglyphics.

Ever notice what online chat has done to our language?

Here’s a useful checklist to ensure that you can become the idiot you’ve always desired to be on the Internet.

AlWaYs WrItE LiKe ThIs.

Indulge in harmful substances and then announce it to chat rooms and status updates to be cool. For example, say something like “imn so messed up i jusrt diid 2 piuankikllers adn hafd 12 berrrrs .“ Even if you’re drug free, you can pretend you’re not. You can be so super cool that everyone is all like "woah, that guy is cool" while they're calling for your intervention.

Be an grammar nazi and correct everyone, even if they make minor mistakes that everyone can figure out. When they type “adn” instead of “and.” Let them know about it. People love it.

Use Ebonics and moronic spelling.

Chat using words such as “mah” “dat” “crayzie” “boul” and “gyrl” and you’ll plenty of instant messages requesting your A/S/L/P (AOL style) or pics or phone number. You'll seriously have like 100 boyfriends and girlfriends. You will be so super cool.

Post about all your drama and always ask "why can't I be drama free" even if the common denominator is you.

Only post pictures of you “livin it up at da club" because partying 24-7 is the only way of life. It most certainly leads to the line at your graduation, not the welfare line, right?

This goes all the way back to the AOL days and making shortcuts for language that has gone to a whole 'notha level with texting.

Now we have Emojis.

We speak in pictures like the ancient peoples who had no language. They drew cats and moons with sticks and they were called hieroglyphics.

Emojis are hieroglyphics.
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