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News Did you know that I was tased 3 times?

taser.jpg

I was tased 3 times when I was 15. The person who did it was me.

Here’s what happened:

1. I placed a candy bar on the edge of a big brown table. I tried to melt the candy bar. The electricity touched the metal edging of the table. My hand felt really weird and without my control, flung the tazer across the room. Holy heck, my arm was numb as a goth kids brain in the food court of Neshaminy Mall.

2. I tried to set a leaf on fire. But I accidentally touched the electricity part to the tree trunk that the leaf was sticking out of. My hand went dope and my arm felt weird…tazer flew across the street and nearly hit a minivan in the back driver side.

3. I was carrying the tazer in my pants, all Puerto Rican gang like, right above my boyhood. I was riding my GT Interceptor bike. The tazer fell down my pants and tazered my ball bag. My bike and I hit the floor. I was spinning in circles on the floor like Curly from the Three Stooges. My bike tires couldn't spin as fast as me.

I sold the taser 2 days later in high school for $15. I don't even remember who bought it. Maybe his name was Anton - some italian kid with greasy parted hair who is so Italian that he doesn't even have Facebook. I could've made $50, but risking a fourth tasering was a NO.

Tasers suck and I don't know if it's spelled taser or tazer. Spell check says NO to both. That's a hint.
 
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Whatfinger


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